Breaking The Rules

I’m breaking the blogging rules today by even writing anything.. The rule that says not to post when upset, angry, etc..  I just feel I need to write and get it out.

Why, just when I feel things are going great, does everything seem to blow up in my face??  Do I just not have enough faith?  I don’t want to sound like a poor pitiful me type but damn sometimes it’s just so hard!  All I want is to be my normal happy, optimistic self; where did she go and when can I expect to see her again??  That’s all I want to know.  I started the year thinking this was it, it was going to be my year!  I honestly believed it would be!  I could see my family’s future and it was beautiful!  Now, these past few days esp, all I see is more of the same, depressing life.  Nothing seems to be going right.  All I want is to have a happy family, in our own space, and to raise our children in a happy, loving home.  I want to instill in them that life can be what you make it.  It can be great, if that’s what you thrive for.  How can I do that if I don’t feel that way?  How can I force myself to see the good that has to be there somewhere?  It seems lately that everywhere I turn is another huge wall or obstacle that I can’t see over or around and I have no idea how to conquer it.  Why is life so hard??  I know that we all ask ourselves these things occasionally and that makes me feel like a whiny, spoiled brat.  But how do you overcome the hardships?  How do you restore balance and happiness in your life when you honestly just can’t see it ahead of you?  I try so hard to please my husband and be the best mom ever, but I feel like I fail miserably, almost on a daily basis.  I do understand that a lot of our circumstances are of our own making, but I desperately want to turn it around, I just can’t see how.

So here’s to anyone out there hurting over anything and feeling stuck in a rut that just seems to grow bigger instead of showing any sign of escape..  May you all find the happiness that you all deserve!  I know in my heart that God has all of this and all I have to do is have faith that things will get better, implementing that knowledge and faith in my own life is proving to be my Achilles heel!

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