I’m breaking the blogging rules today by even writing anything.. The rule that says not to post when upset, angry, etc.. I just feel I need to write and get it out.
Why, just when I feel things are going great, does everything seem to blow up in my face?? Do I just not have enough faith? I don’t want to sound like a poor pitiful me type but damn sometimes it’s just so hard! All I want is to be my normal happy, optimistic self; where did she go and when can I expect to see her again?? That’s all I want to know. I started the year thinking this was it, it was going to be my year! I honestly believed it would be! I could see my family’s future and it was beautiful! Now, these past few days esp, all I see is more of the same, depressing life. Nothing seems to be going right. All I want is to have a happy family, in our own space, and to raise our children in a happy, loving home. I want to instill in them that life can be what you make it. It can be great, if that’s what you thrive for. How can I do that if I don’t feel that way? How can I force myself to see the good that has to be there somewhere? It seems lately that everywhere I turn is another huge wall or obstacle that I can’t see over or around and I have no idea how to conquer it. Why is life so hard?? I know that we all ask ourselves these things occasionally and that makes me feel like a whiny, spoiled brat. But how do you overcome the hardships? How do you restore balance and happiness in your life when you honestly just can’t see it ahead of you? I try so hard to please my husband and be the best mom ever, but I feel like I fail miserably, almost on a daily basis. I do understand that a lot of our circumstances are of our own making, but I desperately want to turn it around, I just can’t see how.
So here’s to anyone out there hurting over anything and feeling stuck in a rut that just seems to grow bigger instead of showing any sign of escape.. May you all find the happiness that you all deserve! I know in my heart that God has all of this and all I have to do is have faith that things will get better, implementing that knowledge and faith in my own life is proving to be my Achilles heel!
I have seven minutes until I’m off for the weekend!! I have a tailgating party with my second grader to attend tomorrow night, then the ballgame to watch my seventh grader play in the marching band (high school game and band). Saturday, he has a band competition, again.. They actually placed third last week in a competition, which I understand is a first in quite some time for the band! Sunday, I hope to sit and do nothing but watch football!!
What are all of you doing this weekend?? Whatever it is, I wish you all a fun and safe weekend!!