Am I A Good Mom?? (A Question I think Every Mom Asks Herself)

My youngest son is what I call rambunctious.. I knew from the moment I brought him home that he would not be the quiet, easy going little boy his brother is.  He is sometimes so Type-A that it is really hard to be around him, yet at other times, he’s as sweet and loving as I could ever hope for.  I call him Type-A, but I really don’t know what “type” he is.  He is very loud, even in general speaking, and he can be quite ornery.. he is quite often the center of attention and seems to ALWAYS need to be.  He is also one of the most passionate, sweet, caring and loving little boys I know.  He can be very shy, to the point of hiding behind me (and he now stands up to about my mid chest).. he loves to be the center of attention, but only when he initiates it, he can walk into a room full of people he sees every day, but if they all take notice at once, he’s immediately shy..  It is a sincere shy too, he gets embarrassed and has his feelings hurt fairly easily..

I’m rambling, but my point is, I have two very different personalities in my boys and sometimes I feel like there’s more than one with my youngest (not seriously).  If you’re still with me, I’m actually getting to my point now..

Monday night was one of his particularly rambunctious nights.. We were constantly having to get on to him to finish his dinner (he’s a very picky eater and tends to do anything but eat at dinner time).  I got to the point where I told him that if I had to get on to him one more time, he would not watch TV that night.  Of course, he didn’t get to watch, and he had many more than one more infarction.  As he realized he would not be allowed his TV, he says to me “well, that just makes me want to be bad tomorrow too”.  UGH!!  I told him to go right ahead, but Rudolph would be on tomorrow and if he was bad, he would miss that.

Fast forward a bit and we’ve finished reading and I’m putting him to bed, he asks, “do I still get to watch Rudolph tomorrow?”  I told him if he could be good then we would watch it together.  Then, as I’m turning out his light and walking out of his room I hear, “will you help me be good, Mommy?”  Instant melt!  That boy can send me into so many different directions!  I don’t know if it translates well in this post, but that was such a sweet, innocent little question that basically brought me to my knees.

It’s had me questioning my skills as a mom.  Do I really spend enough time with them?  Do I show them daily how to become good, loving adults?  Am I shaping them into the men that I know they can someday be?  I can only hope and pray that I am.  It may seem silly to all of you that one little question like that can bring about all these worries and fears, but in this life, we have so much going on in a single day that it’s hard to stop and just “be” with the people we love.  I am trying to make a conscious effort from now on to spend at least some quality time with my boys every day.  Even if it is just to read before bed.  I get home so late, my husband usually already has supper ready and I feel like I’m running on fumes so they tend to get very little time with mommy, at least it feels that way to me.  What’s more important than being with your children, loving them and enforcing in them that they are amazing, beautiful, and so worthy of love?  I am hoping to remind myself of all of this the next time they are getting on my nerves.. the next time Zach is being soo annoying, or Kylar is giving his 13 yr old attitude, and I hope an pray that I don’t fail too many times.

Sitting here typing, I can feel the love and comfort from last night, being snuggled up watching Rudolph together.  Pretty soon they won’t care anything about cuddling with mom so I intend to enjoy every second.

So, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for me to go home and hopefully do something constructive with my babies…