After a few years away, I’ve finally started blogging again. I started out strong, a couple of posts without problems figuring out what I wanted to write about. Currently, I seem to only have time to write on weekends, or at least I tell myself that. I have had a few ideas recently, subjects I truly wanted to write about. The first was a lovely day I had out walking our property. By the time I finished my walk and actually had time to write, something happened to ruin my mood. I had another idea for a post, stemming from a few things that had ruined my mood that day. The problem with my brain is that if I don’t go ahead and write, the idea and motivation leaves me. I know, the simple solution seems to be to just sit my ass down and write. I don’t often have a computer; I bring my work one home since my last laptop gave up the ghost years ago. When I do have access to it, I’m either working or doing something that prevents me from being able to just sit and write.
Just like using the treadmill, which I actually enjoy, writing is just another activity that I’m very interested in doing but have been out of the habit for so long that it’s hard to get back into any routine. I know I’m setting myself up for failure by simply saying “it’s hard to get into a routine”. I truly believe in the “positive thinking” attitude. I do believe in manifestation and that you do bring about what you repeat to yourself. We have to be careful with our words, the words we speak to and about ourselves and about things around us. That’s another thing I’m working on reminding myself on a daily basis, trying to retrain my brain. I actually went looking online for writing prompts but all I got were things to write about or books to buy about creative writing, etc. This platform has a few on the home page, but very few and none really spoke to me. What I really want are prompts in question form or (my fave) the first line or two written, something I can jump off of and go with. I don’t necessarily care how real or abstract the idea is, I just need something my brain will grasp on to and run with. I have so much in my head usually that it’s almost blank instead and I can honestly not come up with any ideas to discuss. I don’t necessarily like writing the negative “poor pitiful me” posts, not often anyway. I just don’t want to use this platform to constantly complain. I will use it as such occasionally, but I’d prefer to keep it to a minimum and I’m the type to get into a rut and all of my posts will just be me venting.
This blog is for whatever random thought that may pop into my head, as the title implies. This does mean that I will often squirrel from one thought to another, and yes, that is the way my brain works. Yes, I know what a lot of you are thinking, ADD.. No, I do not have ADD and, with no disrespect intended, I believe this is entirely too over diagnosed. That is a post for another time, the point is that I do not have ADD. I actually recently discovered it is my anxiety causing certain issues plaguing me. One of the issues I noticed and bothered me in particular is that whenever I went grocery shopping and found myself looking for a specific item, usually canned or boxed items, everything on the shelves began to look the same. Not as in they all looked exactly like the same product, more like it all blurred just a bit and I couldn’t seem to make out individual cans or boxes. I had such a hard time that I often just said screw it and left. This was particularly a problem in bigger stores, I can only assume it’s because there’s more people. (I don’t know when it changed, but my whole life I was the type to feed off of crowds. I was always perfectly happy in the middle of a bunch of people, I could even stand in front of a crowd and speak. Now I can’t seem to deal with larger crowds (especially in close quarters) but the thought of standing in front of a huge crowd still doesn’t bother me. Once I started meds for my anxiety, this has gotten a whole lot better. I still don’t like to do it but can usually get through the shopping process without everything getting blurry. I do still have issues if it’s very busy and crowded, but it’s so much better now.
The Voices In My Head 